🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?